Sometimes I try to convince myself that it wasn't that bad and then I look back at all the emails and the evidence and the depositions and everything and I'm like...man...that was really terrible. I really appreciate you reading it Debby. Thank you!
I’m just so so sorry you experienced this. As a social worker myself I am mortified by his behavior. I know it must be hard to not have urges to blame yourself.. but I really hope you know this is not your fault. Really really really know. This is tragic abuse of power. Sending my love
I’m sorry you went through this. It is excellent advice. I want to mention that this can happen to with physical therapy. As it did to me.
I should have immediately left when my PT started making sexual comments towards me. I was in disbelief for awhile. I thought that maybe I was mishearing things until they became very explicit.
Trust your instincts. The feeling of noticing red flags should be trusted. I let them go because it didn’t occur to me that a PT would take advantage of me.
Oh Mia that’s awful. I am sorry that you went through that abuse with your PT. I blew past my therapist’s red flags as well. I didn’t want to accept what was happening. I can’t even tell you how many people had to tell me to get out of there before I started listening. I totally trusted my psychotherapist implicitly and couldn’t dream he would intentionally do anything to hurt me. The thought of it was too painful to bear. I wish I had gotten away sooner. I lost so many years of my life.
Yep--every single one was a red flag that your therapist was way more than a CREEP! The prevalence of these kinds of therapists is staggering. I too have been abused by therapists (3 of them) during my lifetime, and I'm a therapist (music therapist) myself. When you are in it, you are the CLIENT-with all the vulnerability, needs, and issues being a client means. Being a therapist does not exempt us from being abused, and in some cases, makes it more likely.
I appreciate this article as a lived experience compendium to my piece "Therapist Red Flags." It's unfortunate that these experiences are so common, but it is important for people to see both sides. I've posted about (from the clinical perspective) what client's rights are and how they can identify unhealthy relationships, but hearing the retrospective is so essential. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
Yes, they are extremely common. Clients enter a minefield of incompetence and lack of ethics when they seek therapy believing that because someone has degrees and a license, they want what is best for their clients. This may or may not be true, and often it is not. It's a sad situation because the harm these therapists do can be devastating. They are very aware of the harm and simply do not care.
I love these explicit tips. I especially love the advice to ask your therapist why they said something, and then discuss THAT with trusted friends. Developing a checks and balances system between your social influences is always a good idea, and predators work their way around it.
I had people telling me the therapy didn’t sound helpful for a while, but it wasn’t until I really started sharing some of the specific things that happened that had people I hadn’t spoken to in years dropping what they were doing to get me on the phone to tell me to get away from him.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish you could get all of your money back and money for all the damage he did to you and your healing. This person should have had their license taken away permanently. Thank you for being open about this, I hope this finds others who have abusive therapists (sadly this is common, it seems) and will motivate them to leave. I once dated someone who said he and his therapist frequently texted, and she sent him photos of herself. It was so inappropriate and he thought it was normal.
That’s so awful Jeanie. And it’s one of those things that truly very few people want to talk about because it feels so shameful. I do want to emphasize that I had a massive amount of evidence that what I said happened actually happened, and the CA Board of Psychology has let him keep practicing. He has never lost access to vulnerable people for a second. This is the experience of most of the other victims I have spoken too—the licensing boards let their therapists off with a slap on the wrist.
Oh Liz! What a horror show for you.
Sometimes I try to convince myself that it wasn't that bad and then I look back at all the emails and the evidence and the depositions and everything and I'm like...man...that was really terrible. I really appreciate you reading it Debby. Thank you!
We UPODders stick together!
I’m just so so sorry you experienced this. As a social worker myself I am mortified by his behavior. I know it must be hard to not have urges to blame yourself.. but I really hope you know this is not your fault. Really really really know. This is tragic abuse of power. Sending my love
I’m sorry you went through this. It is excellent advice. I want to mention that this can happen to with physical therapy. As it did to me.
I should have immediately left when my PT started making sexual comments towards me. I was in disbelief for awhile. I thought that maybe I was mishearing things until they became very explicit.
Trust your instincts. The feeling of noticing red flags should be trusted. I let them go because it didn’t occur to me that a PT would take advantage of me.
Oh Mia that’s awful. I am sorry that you went through that abuse with your PT. I blew past my therapist’s red flags as well. I didn’t want to accept what was happening. I can’t even tell you how many people had to tell me to get out of there before I started listening. I totally trusted my psychotherapist implicitly and couldn’t dream he would intentionally do anything to hurt me. The thought of it was too painful to bear. I wish I had gotten away sooner. I lost so many years of my life.
Yep--every single one was a red flag that your therapist was way more than a CREEP! The prevalence of these kinds of therapists is staggering. I too have been abused by therapists (3 of them) during my lifetime, and I'm a therapist (music therapist) myself. When you are in it, you are the CLIENT-with all the vulnerability, needs, and issues being a client means. Being a therapist does not exempt us from being abused, and in some cases, makes it more likely.
I appreciate this article as a lived experience compendium to my piece "Therapist Red Flags." It's unfortunate that these experiences are so common, but it is important for people to see both sides. I've posted about (from the clinical perspective) what client's rights are and how they can identify unhealthy relationships, but hearing the retrospective is so essential. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
Thank you Dawson. I would love to read your piece but I am new to navigating substack. Could you tell me where to find it?
Absolutely! https://open.substack.com/pub/soothsayings/p/therapist-red-flags?r=2q2nss&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false - hopefully this link works! It’s a lot more broad but it talks about the big pieces of maintaining a healthy therapeutic relationship. Do not feel pressured to subscribe - all of my pieces will be free to everyone, always!
Yes, they are extremely common. Clients enter a minefield of incompetence and lack of ethics when they seek therapy believing that because someone has degrees and a license, they want what is best for their clients. This may or may not be true, and often it is not. It's a sad situation because the harm these therapists do can be devastating. They are very aware of the harm and simply do not care.
I love these explicit tips. I especially love the advice to ask your therapist why they said something, and then discuss THAT with trusted friends. Developing a checks and balances system between your social influences is always a good idea, and predators work their way around it.
I had people telling me the therapy didn’t sound helpful for a while, but it wasn’t until I really started sharing some of the specific things that happened that had people I hadn’t spoken to in years dropping what they were doing to get me on the phone to tell me to get away from him.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish you could get all of your money back and money for all the damage he did to you and your healing. This person should have had their license taken away permanently. Thank you for being open about this, I hope this finds others who have abusive therapists (sadly this is common, it seems) and will motivate them to leave. I once dated someone who said he and his therapist frequently texted, and she sent him photos of herself. It was so inappropriate and he thought it was normal.
That’s so awful Jeanie. And it’s one of those things that truly very few people want to talk about because it feels so shameful. I do want to emphasize that I had a massive amount of evidence that what I said happened actually happened, and the CA Board of Psychology has let him keep practicing. He has never lost access to vulnerable people for a second. This is the experience of most of the other victims I have spoken too—the licensing boards let their therapists off with a slap on the wrist.
It’s truly horrifying. I am so sorry. I wish there was something that could be done.